By Coach Felicia T. Scott
Brought to you via Essence.com
Discover Your Worth! I froze when she suggested that we head to such an expensive restaurant. It really wasn’t in my budget, but I still heard myself saying, “That would be great!” I didn’t even enjoy my meal—maybe the taste of regret had something to do with it. I kicked myself for fronting and not telling my friend the truth.
Most of us are familiar with putting up a front. There are times in life when we feel like a fraud but it is rooted in a sub-conscious lack of understanding our worth. But sometimes, we KNOW that we are deliberately giving others the wrong impression. Our intent isn’t malicious, but we are ashamed of the truth, so we live the lie.
Pretending tires us out…fast! It’s uncomfortable wearing images that simply don’t fit. Maturity demands that we tell the truth and take responsibility for doing the things that “represent” us.
We don’t have to display everything like a reality-TV show. We just need to be comfortable with ourselves—accepting of who we are, where we are and what we have. Learning self-acceptance is foundational to respect and acceptance from others.
This experience reminded me that in order to be comfortable in our skin, we must remember to:
1. Practice Self-inspection: We must seek to understand our motivations. We need to understand why we do what we do and examine our actions, attitudes and feelings under the light of truth. Why do we do things we don’t want to? Is it fear of rejection? Do we not like someone because of jealousy or are there other issues involved?
Understanding self, lays the foundation for better relationships. When we can truthfully deal with our “good, bad and ugly,” we are better equipped to give others the grace and truth needed for their growth and development. Furthermore, it helps us to recognize when we are mislabeling qualities in others. For example, our insecurities might cause us to be uncomfortable with confident people. If we aren’t honest, we might distance ourselves from those people instead of learning the habits and thoughts that can help us grow more in this area.
2. Own Up: There will be times when we don’t have the capacity to meet the needs of others or be what others need us to be. That is a painful truth to accept—especially when we want to help someone we love. Knowing our limits is key to self-acceptance.
When we realize that something is beyond our emotional, physical, financial or spiritual bandwidth, we have the responsibility to do one of two things:
1. Be honest. Accept our limitations and step out of the way so someone else can meet the need. It can be heartbreaking to not help the people we love, but just because we can’t do it doesn’t mean that they can’t be helped.
2. Stretch to develop the capacity needed. If the shortfall between our capacity and the need can be fixed, then we must commit to developing the skills and/or doing what it takes for us to stand in truth in our relationship.
Do Your Work! Examine your life and find out where you may be fronting. Journal about that issue and come clean with someone you trust. Ask them to help you brainstorm ways to eliminate fronting and begin to apply them.
Define Your Wealth! Affirm out loud, “Today, I am all that I need to be. I thank God for the lessons that will help me be who I need to be tomorrow!”
Recently named the “North America’s Next Greatest Speaker” by eWomenNetwork, Felicia T. Scott is a Certified Empowerment Coach™ who empowers her clients to turn their Worth into Wealth as she partners with them to DISCOVER their WORTH, DO the WORK and DEFINE their WEALTH. Get more insight, download the FREE “8 Choices Winners Must Make” seminar MP3 on her website.