Tuesday, November 15, 2011

14* Relationship Mistakes to Avoid

Written By: Paul Carrick Brunson for Essence.com 


Today’s post is special. In order to get the most researched answers on “relationship pitfalls,” I went to the authorities in the category: the guys over at 100 Red Flags. 100Redflags.com is a website dedicated to helping women understand the little signals they sometimes unconsciously send to men that turn them off and show incompatibility.

What I like about these guys is that they’re not just men speaking from their immediate experiences they’ve actually gone out and extensively surveyed “everyday” men over several years instead of just using a sampling of men like other studies often do.

I sat down with the founders Bill and Ryan and asked them about the top relationship pitfalls for women and the responses were fascinating. Ladies, are you ready to hear them? Grab a cup of something good to drink and get your read on! (Taking notes is encouraged.)

It might be a red flag to him when you…

You Wear Too Much Makeup

Doing so implies to a man that you may lack self-confidence. Looking good isn’t all about trying to achieve perfection. It isn’t about caking your face with so much makeup that you look like someone else. No man wants to wake up in the morning to find your makeup all over the sheets. Think: More confidence, less makeup.

You Check Your Phone Constantly

This is disrespectful to the man you’re on a date with. When your man is around, try to keep your smart phone addiction hidden. It makes you seem obsessive-compulsive when you’re always peeking down at your phone or you leave it out on the table. It’s annoying, and it makes him feel less important. Just throw it in your bag and enjoy yourself.

You Talk Nonstop About Work

There are more interesting things in life to discuss than how much it sucks to fill out reports every day. If all you can talk about is your job, that means you lead a very boring life and you won’t be much fun to hang around with.

You Don't Support Guy Time

Doing this will instantly make you appear insecure and controlling. Whoa there, Missy. You’re messing with one of the sacred man rituals now. It’s a necessity, not an option. Instead of ranting and raving about our guys’ night, put that energy to positive use and go out with your girls.

You Drink a Lot of Champagne

This could mean you’re too materialistic; too focused on status. The last thing men want is to be involved in a relationship where money and status is more important than anything else. What if we can’t make a buck? What if we don’t have the biggest house in our neighborhood? Will you want the guy in the huge house with a pool down the street? Your choice of beverage is painting this
picture of our future life together.

You're Clumsy or Awkward

This says that our sexual compatibility is in question. When we’re up, you’re down. We try to connect because we’re attracted to each other, but something just seems off. If we’re not connecting on the dance floor, how are we going to connect in the bedroom? To increase flexibility and become more in touch with your body consider a dance or yoga class.

You Want Another Tattoo

This could tell him you’re not done living your youth. Like it or not, your tattoo says more than you intended. He’ll wonder if it was just a one-time things or if your wild side could return just as he’s starting to like you?

You're All About You (and Your Pet!)

If you’re guilty of this, it may tell a guy who wants to get serious that your timetable for having kids is at odds with his. This may seem innocent, but it can be overkill. How are we supposed to compete with that playful, furry, and loyal friend who probably came before us? We’re not sure we’re ready to take on the responsibility for this pet, especially because we know what’s on your mind next a baby.

You Don't Eat Leftovers

This means you could be financially irresponsible. The truth is, your staunch refusal to eat leftovers goes far beyond being a little weird. Let’s put it this way… you’re throwing out food. So if you’re throwing out a necessary component for survival where else are you choosing an “ideal” over a “this will do”?

Your Party Photos Are All Over the Web

If he sees your photos all over nightclub and party sites, he’ll think you’re a party girl and will be unable to settle down. It’s cool that you go to clubs. But there’s a difference between just going to clubs and being a club regular. It’s a recipe for disaster if you’re trying to hold down a relationship.

You're Short on Bridesmaids

This means you might be too needy, and we won’t be able to be independent of each other. First of all, having two sisters and one friend doesn’t count. When men see a lack of close friends in your life it is cause for concern. Will you get pissed off every time we want to hang out with our friends? Will you be latching onto us every time we’re out with each other?

You Get Dressed Up for Sporting Events

This could tell a man that you’re unable to adapt to different situations. Beware of how you dress at sporting events because if you send the wrong message your man may go running. If you’re more focused on looking “cute”, when everyone around you is dressed comfortably, it says you can’t relax. We have visions of waking up in the morning to grab breakfast with you pulling on the back of our sweats as we’re walking out the door. saying, “You’re not wearing that, are you?” Ditch the fancy outfit and just relax.

You Complain Constantly



No man likes constant negativity, period. Negative attitudes can be the death of a relationship, especially when the other half naturally has a positive attitude. Everyone could, if they wanted to, complain about their day. There are good things and bad things that happen to all of us. When we talk to you after a hard day’s work, we don’t want to spend all our time consoling you and making you feel better. What about our day?


You Have Daddy Issues

Men assume that women who don’t call their fathers either have bad dads, no dads, or bad relationships with their dads. None of those perceptions work in your favor. Never pay so much attention to a guy that you forget about your family.

Agree? Maybe Not? Follow Paul on Twitter @PaulCBrunson http://twitter.com/#!/PaulCBrunson and tell him your thoughts on this list or maybe use it as a good topic for conversation with friends.

@TNBeautyQueen

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